When Family Can't Hold Your Grief: Why You're Not Alone
Posted on 7th April 2025 at 12:35
Grief is heavy enough without the added weight of disappointment. So many people I speak to come to me not just carrying the pain of losing their loved one, but also carrying the heartbreak of feeling let down by the very people they hoped would stand beside them.
If this is you, if your family have been unable to hold space for your grief, please know that you are so not alone. And I want to say something to you that maybe no one else has said yet…
We think, or rather we hope, that when grief comes crashing into our lives, our family will be the ones to gather us up.
That they will rise to meet us in the ashes, sit in the dark with us, hold our hand through every storm of tears.
But sometimes... they don’t.
Sometimes, instead of open arms, we meet silence. Awkwardness.
Conversations that skirt around the loss like it's a crack in the floor no one wants to fall through.
Sometimes, we see their grief, but it wears a mask; sharp, angry, too tidy, or too loud. Sometimes, there’s nothing at all.
And it hurts. Oh, how it hurts. Because if they can’t meet us here, in this raw and broken place, who will?
Grief is a language not everyone knows how to speak.
If you’re feeling this, if your heart is aching because the people you thought would understand are the ones pulling away, please hear me now:
It’s not because your grief is too much.
It’s not because you are too much.
It's because grief is a language not everyone knows how to speak.
And while some of us are standing here, fluent in heartbreak, others are fumbling with words they’ve never had to say, feelings they’ve never dared to feel.
But knowing that doesn’t always make it easier, does it?
Because when you’re the one sitting in the rubble of your life, you don’t just need people to love you in theory, you need them to show up.
You need them to sit in the mess, not try to sweep it away. You need them to say the name of the one you’ve lost, not pretend they never existed. You need them to let you cry, not hurry you into healing, or pat your hand with well-meaning but empty words like, "They wouldn't want you to be sad."
And if they can’t give you that?
If they can’t meet you there?
Please know that your grief is still worthy of being witnessed.
You are worthy of being held, exactly as you are.
Sometimes, the family we need isn’t the family we were born into.
Sometimes, it’s the people who walk into our lives when everything has fallen apart, those who aren’t afraid to sit in the dark with us, who will speak the name of our loved one without flinching, who will let us cry and rage and break without needing to fix us.
And this is why I do what I do.
Because I know what it feels like when the room falls silent around your pain.
I know how heavy it is to carry grief with no one to help you hold it.
And I want you to know: you don’t have to carry it alone.
If your family can’t hold your grief, I can.
If they can’t speak the words, I will.
If they can’t honour the one you’ve lost, we will, together.
Because your love, your grief, your story, they matter.
And so do you.
If this speaks to something deep inside you, please reach out.
You deserve to have your grief held with tenderness and care.
I offer 1:1 grief support sessions, a safe space where your loss can be seen, heard, and honoured. You can find out more here
And if you’re not ready to talk but just need some gentle support, you’re always welcome to join my mailing list for free grief resources, words of comfort, and ongoing support. Sign up here
Because you don’t have to do this alone. 💛
With love, always
Jen x
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